I had a great day. My 7-yr old was home getting over a strep throat. This is after my husband - loving but fearful father of my children - ran to get antibiotics for him and ... gasp... gave them to him without telling me first (last time he did that was 4 months ago - Johnny's 1st strep infection, and now 2nd - coincidence? I think not.)
I know. I am a control freak when it comes to the health of my kids. But... from what I learned about antibiotics - most times I can do better job than them. I spoke up clearly and firmly, stood my Nature Mama ground. And stayed home to take strep matters into my own hands. Johnny was fever free and his own chirpy self by mid-day. We bonded. We laughed. We had lunch and cracked jokes (day prior he cried at the mention of taking a sip of anything and moaned at the touch of cool wet cloth across his burning forehead).
I had a mind-expanding hour long meditation (thanks, Yogarupa, for that Durga bit you gave us in Kajuraho) - bright and strong, inspiring and motivating.
I taught a fun Spirit of Asana class where I geeked on about trinities of Universe and the Sages "in-the-know", while prepping those kids for kick-ass full expression of Vasisthasana, with some of them nailing it beautifully.
Victory all around. And yet... It feels like a "nothing" day. Like yesteryear's ... dead fly... Some days are just like that - like dried up tissue paper, even when good things happened, still everything feels like a DEAD FLY.
Oh the horror! What to do? Do I need more meditation?! Must I fill this dried up empty carcass with juicy things like romance, movie, wine, chocolate, music, laughter... anything, anything to breathe life into this "DEAD FLY"....
.... Ah, screw it - I kinda like Death. It has a refreshing effect of nullifying Ego's attempts at grasping onto accomplishments. After all, as my friend Chree once put it: "If nothing ever dies, then how can anything ever really come to life?"
Hey, ennui is good for us. It's a sign that we are bored with the way things are. That means, we are ready for change.
Change means NEW. New way of being alive. And come it will. After the OLD is dead. I think I'll pour a glass of wine and raise it to my dead fly. This wake may take a few days. I am prepared for that. I'll remember this, once unrelenting, herald of change for all the telltale signs she warned me of: too sweet, too sleepy, too warm, too...... Yep. Gotcha sista. I am on it.
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Not here to prove anything to anybody. And no one needs to understand me. I only need to understand myself. In the end, it's all about Me (=You?), my (=your?) Self, and God. This page is only a sharing of little moments of connection, for your reading pleasure if you wish.